Never Give Up…I am a perfect example of why not

31 Jul 2012 2 Comments

by workonmyterms in Broken Hearts Club, Never Give Up, Pursuit of Happiness Tags: , ,

I wanted to share this wonderful poster from the folks at www.livelifehappy.com:

I know life can give you crap that you never expected and certainly never deserved, but that happens to EVERYBODY!

What can separate you from everyone else is the fact that you do not give up just because of those bad things.

Take me, for example. This time last year I had no permanent contracts (or temporary ones either) and therefore no income. It had been that way for quite some time (over 2 years really). But that was just the start or rather the symptom of my real problem.

You see, in 2009, I suffered a devastating unforeseen blow when the second man I married (who I seriously thought was the love of my life abandoned me after only 10 months of marriage). Even though I tried to pretend like nothing happened, things fell apart rather quickly. Within two years I had no income, I had used up all the savings I had, I was forced to go on Medicaid, I was losing my house to foreclosure and on top of all that, I was arrested (not once, but twice for DWI). I actually spent two nights in jail.

Trust me….it don’t get much worse than that.

Despite all that misfortune, I made a conscious choice to turn it all around and I have. I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and do whatever I had to do to change what was happening or what I had started happening.

Fast forward to today:

  • I did lose my house to foreclosure, but I have been working steadily for a year on a promising long term contract. Plus, I am in the process of rebuilding my credit and have no doubts that I will be back in a permanent house within the next 5 years. Oh, and I will NEVER own another credit card!!!
  • My family and I are living in a lovely rented house that we have customized to meet all of our needs. It is actually better than the house we were living in.
  • I have a steady income and I have been able to replace a lot of the things I ended up having to sell just to pay the bills. Not only that, but next week my family and I go on a BIG vacation to Gulf Shores!!!!
  • I now have really good private dental and health insurance for me and my kids
  • I have resolved all of my legal troubles and paid all my fines and most of the fees.
  • I have not been in any trouble. I do not drink any more, and I NEVER go out feeling sorry for myself. My days of suffering from PMD or Poor Me Disorder are OVER!!!

And the BEST part is that on April 20th, I married the REAL love of my life. A man that I actually met 26 years earlier. My first love and it turns out, “my ONLY love”. I would have missed all of that if I has stayed stuck in PMD mode.

So, let this be a lesson to you all.

YOU CAN ALWAYS TURN THINGS AROUND NO MATTER HOW BAD THINGS MAY SEEM – JUST NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn’t and no matter what else comes my way in life, I NEVER WILL!!!!

Are you TOO comfortable in your job?

30 Jul 2012 Leave a Comment

by workonmyterms in Work Life

I am a self-employed software developer and prior to the Recession I was able to work exclusively out of my home. While the Recession has brought new challenges and made working from home impossible for now, I am still blessed to be able to continue working as an independent contractor.

For me, the independence and ability to “work on my terms” is key to my happiness. I am able to set my own hours and I have the flexibility to attend to my children whenever I need to. Even though this means I get paid less and do not receive benefits, I would not trade it for the world – especially now that I have secured a long-term contract.

Being an independent contractor assigned to a long term contract is great, but I have never forgotten that at the end of the day, I am still providing a service in return for money. That means that my client is my customer, just like any customer of any business. I make sure that before I leave work every day, I have given my client more effort than what they have compensated me for.

Being back in an office environment, I have been amazed at the amount of people that seem to take their jobs for granted. I think they have become way TOO comfortable. They are more concerned about what they are getting and not what they are giving.

When did this happen? When did people stop caring about the quality of their job performance? What happened to a good work ethic?

I think the best thing about being self-employed is that I NEVER take my job for granted. I am always striving to improve what I offer as a worker. I cannot imagine doing anything else.

What about you?

Have you become too comfortable or have you observed other people that are?

Everyone you meet today is searching for their story…

25 Jul 2012 3 Comments

by workonmyterms in Awareness, Pursuit of Happiness Tags: , ,

Image

I ran across this image recently and wanted to share it because I think it illustrates an important point that is easily forgotten.

We are all so self-consumed that often we do not even realize that everyone else is just as self-consumed as we are. Because of this, we do not fully understand that all of our actions towards another person directly impact that person. And more often than not, the words and gestures we use towards other people can have damaging effects (even if we do not intend for that to happen).

As you approach and interact with other people today (whether it is in person or over the phone or even over the internet), try to pay close attention to how your words and/or gestures seem to impact these people.

Do they seem relieved to see you?

Do you agitate them?

Do you make them smile?

Challenge yourself and see if you can do something that will please the other person you are interacting with. The other person does not have to be a close friend or family member. It could just be the guy behind the counter at the convenience store or some girl you pass in the hallway at work.

Try it and see how it makes you feel.

I bet that if you succeed in pleasing someone (anyone), you will instantly feel a strong sense of pleasure. It will feel good. They will feel good. Isn’t that good?

So, try it and let me know how it goes for you…

Action for Happiness. Forty percent really is up to you.

23 Jul 2012 Leave a Comment

by workonmyterms in Pursuit of Happiness Tags: , , ,

I recently joined an online group of people dedicated towards spreading happiness throughout the world. You can join too at actionforhappiness.org.

As I was surfing their website, I came across the following graph which shows that 40% of our happiness is derived from activities and relationships. We have total control over this. What is even more interesting is that only 10% is derived from Income and the environment.

Image

Now, in College I majored in statistics, so I can’t help but to question all graphs such as this (especially when the website did not cite a source). All is not lost though because a simple Google search led me to the source of the graphs information.

It seems that a Psychology Professor named Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD has been doing solid research about happiness for the past 20 years. In 2008, she published a book based on her research titled, “The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want” (Penguin Press, 2008).

Next time you find yourself down in the dumps (as we ALL do – just some of us more often than others), try to remember that you do have the power to change these feelings. You can do something about how happy you are. I am not saying it will be easy, but it is possible.

Let me know how it goes for you…

Do you or someone you know suffer from PMD or “Poor Me Disorder”?

21 Jul 2012 2 Comments

by workonmyterms in Awareness Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Do you or someone you know suffer from PMD or “Poor Me Disorder”? 

Symptoms include overwhelming selfishness, increased focus on negative thoughts, tearfulness, constant worry, irritability and anxiety.  Sufferers of PMD are prone to suffer from depression, alcoholism and drug abuse. They are also likely to engage in risky and selfish behavior that can be considered socially undesirable or even criminal. In fact, some people believe that 99.9% of those incarcerated suffer from PMD.

Ironically, wild animals seem to be immune from PMD. This is best reflected through the following popular poem by DH Lawrence:

I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.

While most sufferers will attempt to self-medicate with alcohol and drugs, these substances will only increase the seriousness of the disorder. Chronic sufferers may only find permanent relief by giving and doing for others.

As for myself?

I most certainly am a sufferer of this disorder. Fortunately, I realize that awareness and maturity are the only known cures. As far as I am concerned, everyday is another chance to get it right this time.

If you think that you may be a sufferer, please share your story with me in the comments to this post. We can all learn from each other.

If I could write Katie Holmes…

18 Jul 2012 Leave a Comment

by workonmyterms in Broken Hearts Club Tags: , , , ,

If I could write Katie Holmes…this is what I would tell her:

“You’re an island of reality in an ocean of diarrhea…But, the good news is that Everything will be just fine!”

That statement would be to break the ice and prepare her for the fact that no matter what she thinks is reality right this second, next year at this time, she will think entirely different.

What will she be thinking and how do I know all this?

Well, it is not because I was married to Tom Cruise. However, I was briefly married to a man that I envisioned in my head. A man that turned out to be nothing like what I envisioned.

I thought this man was ideal and that a relationship with him would be ideal. I thought that I could balance him and be the special person that he deserved. I thought that if I just focused hard enough, I could get everything I always wanted.

I was wrong!

So, I know what it is like to go into a relationship that starts as a fairy tale and ends as a nightmare. I know what it is like to one day be 100% convinced that the man you are marrying is your soul mate and then a short time later realize that you were completely wrong.

It is like being dropped out of a plane without a parachute. It is like landing on the ground and breaking all your bones, and then getting up (because you are so super strong) and marching straight back into your life as if nothing happened.

Of course, all your bones are broken and everything inside has turned to mush, but you think that if you can just focus yourself, you will come out of it all unscathed.

Wrong again!

Oh, and if for some crazy chance, Katie Holmes does read this email, please touch base with me sweetie. I would love to talk to you and tell you that everything will truly be all right. I would love to tell you that there will be a better future ahead and that you do deserve it. I would love to tell you this every day, because I know there will come a time when you will start to doubt.

You will doubt yourself, your family, your friends and society in general. You will feel like the whole world is coming down on you (and unfortunately for Katie Holmes, who lives under a microscope, this will not be far from the truth).

HOWEVER (and this is the most important part), IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!

And to help you get there, I suggest immediately purchasing a copy of Jason Mraz’s album titled, “We Dance, We steal Things”. There is a song on there called “Details in the Fabric” that if played over and over again (like a mantra), it just might save your life. Listen to it as many times as you need to until you can sing it word for word in your head. This song WILL get you through the storm that lies ahead.

So, hold on Katie and know that no matter how bad things get (and they WILL get worse), eventually EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!!!!

Back from the grave (not literally thankfully)

17 Jul 2012 Leave a Comment

by workonmyterms in Pursuit of Happiness

It has been over a year since I last posted anything on any blog. Hard to believe.

You see, I needed a break. A reality check. A time to sort through my thoughts and reflect on what had happened.

What happened?

Just life. Life, in all it’s spectacular twists and turns. Life, with all of it’s unexpected surprises – some which are welcome and others which are not so welcome.

I could  moan and groan about all the seemingly terrible things that happened to me in the last two years, but who cares anyway.

I am not defined by what happens to me, but how I REACT to what happens.

And, I am happy to say that I have reacted well.

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